When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
high people should be assigned attendants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
