wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
