I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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