Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
