I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
