mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's blow job season.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
