So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
