Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
