maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
