I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
