Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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