I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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