i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
