I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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