we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
