We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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