If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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