I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
