I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
