Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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