Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize