i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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