It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
