I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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