if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
