I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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