I want to make a zoo with you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
