Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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