don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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