I seem to have left my pride at pride
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
