Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't put those talents on a resume
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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