Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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