this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
