my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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