Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
