I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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