Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
