I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
