I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
