So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
