you guys were way drunker than both of me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
