so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
