saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize