so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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