I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
