I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
