I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We have started to decorate penises.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
