apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
