Kiss
Puke
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
