video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
