My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
