I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
