I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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