He is such a slut. More and more my type.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
