this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
