were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
