she looked like the before picture.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this is an emotional support booty call
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
