i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
