he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
