So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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