dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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