splinters make it hard to masturbate
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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