She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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