I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
