3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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