Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize